Barb's Blog


When Teens are Afraid to Let Love In

What an amazing coaching session I had with one of my teen girls who recently went off to college. She’s a few months into her first full-fledged romantic relationship. He said I love you. She said she’s falling in love. She came to me with some fears of not letting herself go all the way in, not letting herself feel all the happiness, joy and love that she has wanted and asked for and now has received.

We had to do some digging to figure out what this fear was all about. There were some revelations along our journey of digging: having a happiness threshold, feeling uncomfortable with that intense joy, self-sabotaging by standing in her own way, fear of a what could be a life-long commitment at a young age or a gut-wrenching heart break. We came up with two strategies:

Parent yourself: We talked about self-talk and parenting yourself. When you find yourself leaving the present moment filled with love and enjoyment to transport yourself into a fearful future that may not even happen, tell yourself to come back to this moment. Take a deep breath and land back in your body. Look around, take stock of this moment, appreciate that you have been given what you asked for – a loving relationship.

Heal your inner child with visualization: I had her close her eyes, take three deep breaths and visualize her young self. With her imagination and my guidance, she held the hands of her younger self and her older self had a conversation with her younger self… letting her know that even though she has been let down, hurt and abandoned before, that she, her older self, will always be with her and have her back. She will never be alone again. She will always be protected and will be okay.

My client’s assignment was to continue this work at home while looking at pictures of her younger self to facilitate deep healing and a feeling of strength and safety moving forward to allow her heart to fully open up to love and connection. This is the beginning of life long healing. Yay, her!


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