Barb's Blog


Helping Girls with Making Decisions

If it is not a hell yes, it’s a no.

I first heard this life changing phrase from one of my favorite people, parenting coach, Carrie Contey. I was struggling with managing all the things on my plate, both the fun stuff and the not so fun responsibilities of life. When I learned to ask myself the question, “Is this a hell yes?” before I answered a question or put something on my calendar, it was freeing. I began to have days that felt better because I was doing more of what I wanted and less of what I felt was required of me. What a concept, right? Say yes to what feels really good. Hmmm. I think I was on to something.

Should I go to this party on Friday night?
Should I try out for volleyball?
Should I add a third AP class even though I’m already stressed?
Should I become friends with Hannah?
Should I wear those really popular, trendy jeans that are so uncomfortable?
Should I invite Sara, who is a part of my friend group, to my house even though I don’t really connect with her?

What if girls answered the above questions from a place of “Is this a hell yes?” (or a “big fat yes” for younger girls)? It is even more difficult today for girls to say no, to limit their activities, to choose what makes them happy over what they think others expect of them. Our culture doesn’t always support choosing yourself first. It takes guts to do so. I believe if we teach our girls to ask themselves “Is this a hell yes?” before making decisions, that will go a long way in empowering our girls to create lives that feel good – lives of success, health, connection and joy. Isn’t that what we want?

So, like with everything you teach your girls, try this out yourself. Notice how good it feels. Then teach this empowering tool to your daughters!


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