I’ve had so many parents over the years talk to me about their daughter who tends to be negative or sees the glass as half empty. She complains a lot or has a hard time getting out of a bad mood. This is so common. I was recently talking to a coaching parent client, and I told her about a tool that I use with many of my teen life coaching clients. She really liked the idea, so I thought I’d share it with you.
Let’s say that your daughter is stuck – stuck in a negative place and feeling pretty crappy. Teach her about her thoughts. Thoughts are powerful. Our thoughts lead to feelings. Think about it…if I think I suck at algebra, how do I feel? If I think, I have no friends, how do I feel? If I think I am too fat or too skinny, how do I feel? Answer: not good at all.
Our thoughts lead to our feelings. So, ask your girls to check in with themselves when they are feeling badly. Encourage them to ask themselves, “Hmmm, what am I thinking that caused me to feel sad/mad/lonely/upset?”.
What is the tool to give your daughter? Finding a Better Feeling Thought
What is a better feeling thought? That is any thought that causes you to feel better. It can be about the issue that caused you to feel poorly or about something totally off topic.
Here’s how it works – an example of an internal conversation:
How to Feel Better
She has just replaced the thought that caused her to feel badly with a better feeling thought. Now, she has changed how she feels only by changing her thoughts. This takes practice, of course. Paying attention to your thoughts is a muscle that needs to be used regularly. You and your girls can help each other out by asking each other “what are you thinking?” any time one of you is in a slump.
This tool is super empowering. We have the ability to change how we feel!
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